Something we often don't see that is right infront of us is that we have a tendency to merge with the people around us, we drift away from our own sovereignty without knowing. We forget that we should remain empowered as our individual selves and can happen in relationships with anyone.

There is an analogy of two boats sailing in the waters, the first is us and the other is another person, we start as the captains of our ships and from time to time we meet and greet. Those that feel strongly about Freedom might pass by but not want to stop for long and, they are keen to maintain their individuality and keep their Self separate and only see their Self. Those that have some Desire or need might decide that things look pretty good on the other boat, they like that person and they want to spend more time with them. It seems harmless enough, just hop over to the other boat and be closer to that person, it feels comfortable and convenient. So, now there are two people in the same boat and what has changed is that they are now going in a direction that depends on who is steering and where it was agreed to go. Still sounds OK, right? There is a danger of co-dependency in this scenario, eveything can blur and it becomes difficult to see the other person or their self. In both scenarios there is actually a lack of Freedom, neither has a choice to participate in the relationship and remain empowered as themselves. One is a need for a perceived Freedom and the the other is a need for a perceived collaboration.

There is a third more integrated scenario which is Differentiation. Each person remains in their boat, allowing both boats to travel together for periods of time (long or short), choices are empowered and there is no Desire or need, just a want to travel together. Communication will be congruent and differences will not only exist but be accepted, both people will be willing to turn up and will be able to see the other.

I have another analogy which is similar to the boats but in this case it is two fish in two separate fish bowls. The bowls are next to eachother and touching. The fish swim around happily and most of the time they see their own reflection in the glass of the bowl, they see their Self. Sometimes both fish will arrive at the point where the two bowls touch, as they approach the glass, they see their Self only but eventually they see the other fish and finally see eachother.